In the mood for an uplifting story? You’re in luck – because that’s the whole point of this ethics blog.
Once upon a time there was an older gentleman, a fiction writer who lived by the ocean. Early each morning, he would walk along the shoreline and gather his thoughts and prepare his next storyline. This was his routine, regardless of the weather. One morning, after a big storm, the man ventured out yet again for his daily stroll. This morning, however, he noticed that the rough seas had tossed thousands of starfish all over the normally pristine beach.
He knew enough about starfish to recognize that most were too far ashore for the waves to wash them back into the ocean. Though they have the word “fish” in their name, he remembered that starfish are weak swimmers and move poorly on sand. The old man recognized that all these starfish would surely perish during the heat of the day; they need water to live. But there were just so many of them stranded on the beach. What a shame, he thought, and kept walking.
Down the boardwalk a bit, he looked up to see a young girl dancing in the sand. She was up early and loving her time at the beach. But she wasn’t building sandcastles. Instead, every minute or so, the little girl would bend down, pick up one of the stranded starfish, and throw it back into the water.
Surprised, the old man wandered over to the little girl and asked, “Why are you throwing these few starfish back into the ocean?”
The girl responded, “The tide has washed them up here. They can’t get back to the water by themselves. But they need to get back to the ocean, or they’ll die. So, I’m helping them out.”
The old man then chuckled, “But there are too many out here, thousands. Don’t you see? You can’t save them all. It’s a waste of time. What you’re doing just doesn’t matter.”
The girl giggled, then bent down and threw another one as far into the water as she could. She replied, “Well . . . it mattered to that one.”
The Starfish In Your Life
This beautiful story is adapted from a book called The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley and the message has been especially powerful in my life. Let me explain.
I am a teacher. I teach law & ethics at a university and speak about living an authentic life to audiences across the country. This means that I am constantly surrounded by people who pay a good deal of money to listen to my message. No pressure, right? Sometimes my audiences have to be there (mandatory never goes out of style), sometimes they choose to show up. Most listen intently to what I have to say. Others zone off. A few people sleep – that is until I publicly ask the person next to them to wake them up. Most of my audiences have incredibly positive reactions to my thoughts on these topics; others just give me a golf clap and leave.
When I look at the big picture of my career, I have no doubt that I am making a difference. The topic of character is powerful and resonates with most everyone. People need to hear that the world is lying to them about chasing money, looks, popularity, and esteem. What they really want, I tell them, is some peace and contentment in their hearts, a small group of really good friends, and a solid character. This generally hits people pretty hard.
Teaching this important stuff in a meaningful way is part of my career legacy and why I work so hard at this difficult profession. My guess is that you feel the same way about your career and community involvement. Most successful people feel pretty good about the big-picture, long-term impact of their work.
The problem for me is that, on a daily basis, it’s hard to keep in mind that I make a difference. Travel is hard, nights away from home suck, class preparation is long and tedious work. All of that to communicate for a few hours and then watch as my audiences wander off right after the session. I am not sure what exactly I am looking for. It would be silly to expect students to talk with me for an hour after each class, twice a week. They have other classes. My speeches are often over lunch or they end at 9:00 pm. People have other stuff to do. But, there I am . . . left standing in the front of the room, or in a TSA security line, or in a parking garage wondering if my efforts were worth the trouble. Ever been there?
But Then . . . Something Amazing always Happens
And then, seemingly out of the blue, I receive a note, a card, or an email. It’s from someone who heard me speak or sat in one of my classes . . . sometimes long ago. These messages mean a great deal to me and are often very powerful. Their authors tell me how important my thoughts on character or leadership have been in their life since the day they sat in that auditorium. They talk to me about their struggles with relationships, school, cheating, work, alcohols, drugs, etc. and their fight to rise from the ashes. I have had at least a dozen people tell me about how they were contemplating suicide and then they heard me mention the importance of family, friends, and lining up their life with the priorities in their heart. They then go on to talk about their new college major, their budding relationship, their marriage, their kids, or their career. Something I said, maybe just a passing thought in my mind, was a spark that contributed to their desire to have a new, very different life.
It’s all very humbling and nerve-wracking at the same time. And so, I keep every one of these notes. I have boxes full of them at my house. These messages remind me to stay vigilant about the great power a speaker can have on someone who is really listening. They remind me to bring my A-Game each and every day because what I do matters.
But, perhaps more importantly, I need to keep recognizing that these messages are not “out of the blue.” In fact, they are anything but random. They are all part of the life-cycle of a good teacher. The idea of teaching is to communicate important information and then, somewhere and sometime down the line, have it sink in and be passed on to others. It’s silly that I expect immediate results from something as important as character development. It takes time to be a good person. I know this . . . the hard work of being a good person is an integral part of my message for crying out loud!
It’s just that my impatience blurs my rationality. I want the impact (and the response) to happen immediately because I just put so much effort into that hour of work. I’m exhausted and I want praise. This is all very human of me. But, seeking that immediate reaction fights directly against the difficulty of the material I am trying to communicate. I am asking that Rome actually be built in day. A better way for me to think about my work would be like this: Rome wasn’t built in a day. But, they were working on building the city every hour of every day.
The moral of my story boils down to the idea that I must focus more on starfish throwing. The starfish reaction part comes later if at all. I must always keep in mind that the messages I do receive are from individual starfish that I helped get back into the water at some point in the past. They were struggling for air back then. Now, they have a better shot at swimming along in life. Of coruse, people were kind enough to throw me back into the water many times in my life. I’m just paying it forward. These messages also remind me to keep fighting for the inches in life, not just the touchdowns. And finally, they remind me that receiving the note is far from the point. The real message is that the individual I spoke with is now living a better, happier life – with or without a thank you note to Professor C.
And the same holds true for you. Keep planting seeds and working hard to make an impact in whatever you do. And then, leave the rest to work itself out. The long-term results are above your pay grade; mine too. Like the little girl with the beautiful spirit, just keep throwing as many starfish as you can back into the ocean. Do this often. Do it well. And then just remember that your efforts will always . . . “matter to that one!”
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