The Eagle Who Believed He Was a Chicken:
On Breaking Mental Barriers
Happy Tuesday! Here’s a meaningful story to kick off your week:
Once upon a time, a man found an eagle’s egg and placed it under a brooding hen. The eaglet hatched with the chickens and grew to be like them. He clucked and cackled, scratched the earth for worms, flapped his wings, and managed to a fly few feet in the air.
Years passed. One day, the eagle, now grown old, saw a magnificent bird above him in the sky. It glided in graceful majesty against the powerful wind, with scarcely a movement of its golden wings.
Spellbound, the eagle asked, “Who’s that?”
“That’s the king of the birds, the eagle,” said his neighbor. “He belongs to the sky. We belong to earth – we’re chickens.”
So, the eagle lived as a chicken for that’s what he thought he was.
The moral of this story is profound. Have you ever felt like you were born to do something different than what you see around you? How often do you see people falling in line, doing what they are expected to do or what people in their shoes always do? And, all the while, you want something different from your life! But, you just can’t wrap your mind around it.
I remember thinking all this vividly as a high schooler. My guidance counselor called me in one day, looked me up and down, reviewed my resume and overall demeanor and said, “Well, Corey. I just don’t think college is for you. Time to start thinking about other avenues.” That was disheartening to say the least. I wanted something different for my life, but my mind kept coming back to what she said. Perhaps my dreams didn’t “belong in the sky” either. It was just like the neighbor chicken in the story recounted – I needed to stay on the ground with the others like me.
That, of course, was wrong. She was wrong. But, I allowed her to create in me a roadblock mindset: “Corey, you’re not smart enough, your family isn’t rich enough, no one in your family went to college, what are you thinking, you’re a screw-up.” None of it was true, but it took years to overcome.
Anyone else blocked by these self-imposed and irrational roadblocks? This week, let’s ponder the mindsets and perceptions that hold us back, paying particular attention to the artificial barriers. Here is what I mean.
Some barriers hold us back and that’s okay. These struggles are just part of the hand we are dealt in life. Let’s call these fixed barriers. For example, I wanted to be a doctor . . . until I took high school chemistry! That class appropriately dashed that dream. I would have been a terrible doctor because my brain doesn’t think very scientifically. That barrier is fixed for me. Could I have willed my way to medical school with endless effort and desire? Perhaps, but at what cost? Perhaps my sanity? That path would have taken years off of my life.
I also wanted to jump and play basketball seemingly-effortlessly like Michael Jordan. Alas, that wasn’t in the cards for me either. Effortless athleticism is also not a gift I was born with. That barrier is also fixed squarely at my feet. I am athletic and love sports. But, I am also certain that I could quit my job and train for years and still never be able to glide through the air to Be Like Mike.
In the end, I need to be okay with the fact that these fixed barriers held me back from an M.D. or a career as a shooting guard in the NBA. The secret to dealing with fixed barriers goes back to the Serenity Prayer attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” This all makes wonderful sense and is one of the most profound lessons a person can learn. I find myself pondering these words daily and, at this point, I am pretty good at coping with my fixed barriers. How about you?
Now . . . about those things I can change. What the Serenity Prayer and the eagle story both implicitly refer to are the artificial barriers in our lives. The stuff that’s holding us back but shouldn’t. Sometimes others place these barriers in our path. But, most of the time we do this to ourselves. Here are some big artificial obstacles that keep us eagles thinking like chickens:
- Comfort Zones: picture someone who has never golfed standing at a tee box in front of a dozen colleagues. Everyone is silent, awaiting the shot. To me, as the golfer, this sounds like an awful experience. And, I am someone accustomed to standing in front of many more people watching me for a lot longer. The difference is . . . I suck at golf. Hitting that drive at that moment would place me far out of my comfort zone. My thinking about sucking at something in front of other people – even people I don’t know – makes me not want to golf. So, then I say to myself that golf is too hard and that it’s not worth trying. When it comes to comfort zones, I too often stay a chicken. Golf doesn’t involve jumping and maybe I can do it over time. I’ll never know unless I go out there and look like a fool for a bit. Kicking over orange caution cones in comfort zones is something that we each need to master.
- Confidence: Henry Ford remarked, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” Overcoming artificial barriers is all about confidence and the power of positive thinking. The things I am most proud of in my life all began in places where I thought I could never succeed. I never thought I could write a book that people would want to read. I lacked confidence as an author. I never thought I could stand in front of 5,000 people and speak eloquently for an hour. I lacked confidence in my abilities as a speaker and a teacher. I never thought I could be a good dad. I lacked confidence in my future parenting skills and small kids scared me. But, with a ton of practice, dedication, failing forward, and positive thinking I started to succeed, Today, I can do all these things with little to no fear – even calm a screaming one-year old! In this area of my life, I have realized that I am indeed an eagle and need not stay grounded.
- Other People: Sadly, it’s often those closest to us that hold us back. In the eagle story, it was the neighbor chicken who said, “He belongs to the sky. We belong to earth – we’re chickens.” Why do people hold us back like this? I have some idea: jealousy, a mistaken belief in reality and in us (our friends just might not know any better), fear of separation (success often drives people with different mindsets apart), the warmth of shared comfort zones (there is security in a close group of people with similar abilities), low expectations (think of my guidance counselor’s comments). These artificial barriers are often tougher to overcome because it’s not just us standing in our own way. Now, we have to move someone else or detour out of their way. I believe that we need the kind of people in our lives who will push us forward instead of holding us back. That means that they help us break these barriers and think differently about our abilities and passions. Real friends do this even when it’s not in their best interests or makes them feel insecure.
Remember, the eagle lived like a chicken because that’s what he “thought he was.” There was literally no physical impediment tying him to the ground. Instead, his anchor was formed from mistaken beliefs and artificial barriers imposed by himself and others. It was all mental and irrational at that. In the end, the little eagle was spellbound by things that were fully within his potential to accomplish.
So, this week, remember that there are plenty of places where living like a chicken, so to speak, is okay. If your mind, athletic ability, or personality just are not suited to what you think you want from your life, it is foolish to run yourself into the ground seeking these unrealistic goals. I will never be Dr. Corey Ciocchetti, Pediatric Neurosurgeon even though that sounds really cool. You may never get a 4.0 or be the top salesperson in your field. Hear me: that’s just fine. We cannot, “belong to the sky” in every area of our lives. Sometimes we are just chickens and a chicken trying to fly is not pretty.
Instead, the goal is to leave these permanent barriers intact and instead eliminate the artificial barriers in your path. Find out where you are an eagle, where you truly want to fly with your life. Discover what you are good at and passionate about at the same time. There is little doubt that a changed mindset combined with a ton of dedication, practice, and passion allows virtually anyone to break down artificial barriers and soar like they should.
- Check out COREYSPEAKS.COM for more on popular keynote speaker Corey Ciocchetti. Corey has keynotes on happiness, integrity, ethical leadership, ethical decision-making, morale, stress reduction, and professionalism. Corey has spoken in 44 states and over 250 cities since 2007.
- Check out Corey’s other cool ethics blog posts on LEADERSHIP and HAPPINESS – you won’t regret it.
- Corey’s new book, INSPIRE INTEGRITY: CHASE AN AUTHENTIC LIFE is available now!
