Thankfulness unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. — Melanie Beattie

I’m not thankful enough. The truth is . . . people help me all the time. I’m internally grateful, to be sure. But, I don’t express my thankfulness for this help  very well or often enough. I’ve come to realize that I have the gratitude part down. I’m missing the thankfulness piece of the equation. Hence, this ethics blog post.

I’ll let you in on a little secret about this forum – these posts are as much for my life as for yours. I’ve already used my post on how to Forgive Like A Kid to do just that in a few really tough situations – fights which have been beating me up. I’ve used the post on living The Good Life to apologize to a few people who deserved a sincere apology from me. And . . . I felt awesome afterwards. This character stuff really does work. Please know that I would never ask you to do anything that I am not willing to do myself.

Which leads me back to today’s topic: thankfulness. As I mentioned. I struggle in this area from time to time. I bet that some of you do too. Giving thanks is often really hard for a lot of us.

Perhaps our pride gets in the way. We want to feel like we accomplished our goals all by ourselves – though our hard work, our determination, and our grit. And many of us have, to a large extent. But, certainly we haven’t done everything in our lives all by ourselves. We’ve all needed help and recevied some. Don’t believe me . . . then ask yourself who changed your diapers 🙂 More on that in a second.

Another reason that being thankful is hard is that our life gets in the way. Like a text message that falls into the pit of our cellphones, we plan on saying, “Thank You,” but forget about it the storm of our busyness.

For me, that ends . . . today! I am going to make a strong commitment here. I will strive to say thank you a lot more often by setting a daily Thank You quota. Let’s call it the “Thank You Challenge.” Will you join me?

Thankfulness Is . . .

Thankfulness is the feeling AND expression of gratitude. So, my feeling thankful is only half the battle. I need to say it out loud. I need to express it, to other people, more often. The reasons mentioned above which I use to justify my neglect are weak when placed under a microscope. Here are my two biggest obstacles. Do they resemble yours too?

1. My pride. This argument has plenty of holes. The famous quote, “No man is an island,” really resonates with me as I write this. I work really hard and have accomplished a ton in my life – a lot of it on my own. There have been plenty of times where I could have used some help, some encouragement, a hand up – and no one helped. At the same time, there are a ton of people over my 40 years who have stepped up to help. And, I would never have been able to do everything alone. None of us could have.

Let me give you an example where we’ve all received help – changing our own diapers. I used to dread changing diapers. Ick. Then, my wife said to me, “Well someone changed your diapers.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. How can you argue with that? I have to say that, ever since that comment, I change diapers with a happier heart. Someone helped me at taht point in my life and, if I’m really honest, people have been helping me ever since. The moral of the story is that you should text your parents and thank them for changing your diapers. Well, that’s just one moral of the story. More importantly, it demonstrates that we each need some help from time to time in life regardless of how strong we are. And, often enough, people come through. Thank goodness. I’ve come to realize that my saying thank you is not a sign of weakness or an admission that I didn’t do it myself. It’s a sign of respect for another person who has taken the time to help me.

2. My busy life. This argument is weak as well. Missing the opportunity to say thank you to someone who has helped me shows my mistaken priorities, not that I am too busy. What does it take, 2 minutes of my time at a maximum, to say thank you appropriately? Let’s do the math. Everyone has 24 hours in a day. Let’s assume you’re awake for 17 of them. Therefore, you could theoretically thank 120 people an hour at two minutes a pop. That means that you could literally say, “Thank You!” write a thank you note, send a thank you text, or otherwise express gratefulness 2,040 times a day if that’s all you did. That’s over 14,000 potential thank yous a week. Wow! That’s more than the population of many American towns and certainly more people than I know.

With this in mind, here’s our plan. Out of 2,040 thank you opportunities a day, we are going to shoot for THREE. Just three thank yous – or six minutes’ worth if that’s how you want to look at it. That’s it. Let’s make a commitment to thank three people today. Period. Then, if you like how it feels, go ahead and thank three different people tomorrow. Keep going until you burn out (unlikely) or run out of people to thank (hopefully more likely).

To make the most of this Thank You Challenge, follow these pro tips:

1. Your Thank Yous can be short – it really only takes two words at a minimum – or long, or medium-length. Just say whatever is in your heart for as long as it takes;
2. Your Thank Yous can come in any form – in person, over the phone, via text message, on a handwritten note, old school style, in sign language. Most everything is better in person, but it doesn’t really matter as long as you express your gratitude;
3. Make sure to capture why you are saying, “Thank You.” Be specific enough as that’s generally more meaningful;
4. Be as sincere as possible. Who cares if you sound corny. You just might, but that’s far from the point of this exercise;
5. Copy / involve other people on the message where it’s appropriate. Who knows, it might spur them to thank that person or some different people who have helped them.

Today, I Vow to Be Super-Thankful
(it’s actually a word)

In researching this ethics blog post I even found a new word, “super-thankful.” What a great concept! To be super-thankful, perhaps obviously, means to be especially moved in one’s feelings and expressions of gratitude. So, today and for the next few months, I plan on being super-thankful for the good things that others are doing or have done for me or my family. I will say “Thank You!” to three people a day until I run out of people to thank. And, I will mean it! This will get me back on a track where I can habitually be more thankful without having a daily quota.

I’ve done my homework for today. Before posting this, I sent Thank You notes to my wife, my dad, and my boss at DU. After sending them, I must admit that I got a little misty eyed. Just a little. I am a decently emotional guy to begin with, but there is something really good and powerful about saying thank you and really meaning it. The same is true of a genuine apology. These actions come from the same place – OUR CHARACTER. So, of course, they will be powerfully similar.

For the thank you message to my boss, I copied the whole department in hopes of spurring them to write him similar messages. I can just picture his face as he opens these emails. It’s a tough and thankless job being a department chair at a university. People are always asking you for stuff that you can’t provide – more money, more course releases, more everything. Hopefully, my note will come as a delightful change of pace. Here’s the text of my message in case you want to copy it for one of your thank yous:

Dear John –

I just wanted to take a second to thank you for all the work you’ve done on behalf of this department this past year. I know that this can be a thankless job at times, believe me. Each of us really appreciates you fighting for us, our classes, and law & ethics in general. Our work does make a difference and it’s wonderful to fell supported by a good boss. It gives me the energy to work harder at being the best professor I can be. 

Anyway, I know this is out of nowhere. But Thank You for everything!

Corey

So, I’m done for today . . . with my three thank yous and this post. Go do your homework! Give three heartfelt thank you messages today. Then, do the same tomorrow and see if you want to keep going for the rest of the week. Always remember this line from Aesop’s Fables, “Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.” I want to have a noble soul. Don’t you?

Please share this post / idea and let’s see if others are moved to do the same. My guess is that saying thank you will feel so good that it will become contagious in your life. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for in mine!

• Check out COREYSPEAKS.COM for more on popular keynote speaker Corey Ciocchetti. Corey has keynotes on happiness, integrity, ethical leadership, ethical decision-making, morale, stress reduction, and professionalism. Corey has spoken in 44 states and over 250 cities since 2007.
  
• Check out Corey’s other cool ethics blog posts on LEADERSHIP and HAPPINESS  – you won’t regret it.
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