Picture your psychological twin – someone who thinks and acts just like you. Though you may be better looking (it’s your imagination after all), your twin reacts to good and bad news, treats others, and responds to pressure just like you. You are intellectual and emotional equivalents. Now. . . imagine this person as your boss!

Is that wonderful news? Or, does that working arrangement make you a bit nervous? Perhaps you are mortified by the thought? Let’s dive deeper:

1. Would you go the extra mile for this person because she’s so inspirational?
2. Could you thrive under this person because he cares about your successes as much as his own?
3. Would this person motivate you to get up and come to work each day?
4. Would you just end up being unhappy or even miserable after a few months?
5. Might you quit out of frustration?

You see where this is going. Since I started this awkward conversation, I’ll use myself as the model for this important thought experiment.

I am not a natural leader, believe me. I am more of an introvert – despite my career as a professor and professional speaker. I love my job and truly enjoy my students and audiences. But, my ideal Friday night would be with my family, at home, reading a book. Just picture it – four-year-old Sophia and one-year-old Sydney playing nicely and quietly by the fire (it’s within the realm of possibility; remember, it’s my imagination). My wife cuddled next to me (that’s much more likely) as I read a John Grisham book or something about the Supreme Court. So, I’m a nerd. But, that’s where I draw my energy – from my family, from being home and cozy.

I certainly have little desire to set policy, lead people into battle, run for political office, or to inspire a huge team to meet organizational goals. Some people have those urges and some people are really good at these things. That’s just not me. Since we’re thinking about it, though, let’s assume I was thrust into a leadership position. It’s happened to me before and chances are it will happen to you. How would my psychological twin lead?

COREY CIOCCHETTI’S PSYCHOLOGICAL TWIN, GIOVANNI (A GREAT ITALIAN NAME)

On the positive side, I am certain my psychological twin, Giovanni would create a fun, enthusiastic workplace. People would smile a lot and feel happy to come to work. He would joke with his employees and make them feel comfortable. He would encourage people to get along and resolve differences amicably. He would persevere through hard times and get important stuff done. We would go to baseball games and barbeques as a team. He would have a vision, care about the culture, and stand up for his people to the powers-that-be! Yay!

But, on the more negative side, Giovanni would be impatient – even with trivial tasks. He would respond curtly to hostile emails or long, boring meetings. He would be stubborn-headed and over-confident at times. He would avoid seeking consensus from the whole team in the interests of moving quickly. He would presume to know how to do things more effectively than his people – some of whom have been there much longer.

So, would I want to work for my psychological twin? Well, yes . . . on his good days. The problem is that people would need a leader every day, not just when their boss feels like leading. Employees want to consistently grow in their roles and be acknowledged for their successes. They rightly expect a stable role model. Plus – even though I don’t particularly love to lead – I would desire to be a good leader if called upon.

This little experiment demonstrates that my psychological twin probably wouldn’t be someone I would follow all that happily. So, how should I go about becoming a leader I would follow?

HOLD OFF ON TAKING A “LEADERSHIP CLASS”

Let’s face it, leadership training opportunities abound. You have an equal chance of encountering an ad for a leadership class as you do a Starbucks. You can read books titled: LEAD LIKE JESUS, LEAD LIKE A HERETIC (a different approach from the Jesus book, I assume), LEAD LIKE WATER (seriously), LEAD LIKE A GIRL SCOUT, LEAD LIKE A PILOT, LEAD LIKE A HUMBLE GARDENER, LEAD LIKE A PIRATE, LEAD LIKE THE BUTLER BULLDOGS BASKETBALL TEAM, LEAD LIKE IKE, LEAD LIKE REAGAN, LEAD LIKE A CHEF, LEAD LIKE A LION, OR LEAD LIKE SUPERMAN. How to choose? Take the bait, pay a fee, dive in and leadership training seminars encourage you to LEAD LIKE IT MATTERS, LEAD LIKE YOU MEAN IT, LEAD LIKE HELL, or LEAD LIKE A BOSS. I’m so confused.

You can also learn key leadership theories like the Triple Bottom Line, Transformational Leadership, and the Managerial Grid. You will become fluent in buzzwords like strategic positioning, blended learning, and individual capacity building. Armed with these tools, you are bound to be an effective leader, right?

Well, wrong. And I’ll prove it to you. These leadership classes are tremendously successful, which is why they proliferate. They are packed with bosses of the present and the future. So, here’s the key question:

With all this training, how come most of our bosses still stink? Or, more politely, how come so few of our bosses are leaders we want to follow?

Think about how many awesome bosses you have had out of every five. I can say maybe 20% of my bosses have been the types of leader I wanted to follow. And, I’m confident most had leadership training. In the end, I actually think many of these leadership books, trainings, and theories are valuable. The problem is that aspiring leaders skip a step.

WANT TO BE A GOOD LEADER? BE A CHARACTER-INFUSED LEADER FIRST

Like most of the important things in our lives, effective leadership requires a solid foundation. A leader with a weak foundation will crumble under all types of pressure – financial, relational, even selfish desires. All the leadership training classes in the world cannot prevent this if they omit the cornerstone of any leader’s foundation – character.

Therefore, in order to be effective leaders, we must first focus on being character-infused leaders. We must sincerely care about those around us, we must strive to act with compassion, courage, honesty, and loyalty, we must own our mistakes, and we must stop taking exceptions for ourselves that we deny others. I dislike acronyms in general; they confuse me. But, my acronym for character-infused leadership is too good to omit. To be good (effective, strong, respected) leaders, we need to be GOOD leaders in the ethical sense. Let me elaborate:

G – GOLDEN MEAN: the leaders we choose to follow seek the Golden Mean. This is Aristotle. His theory is profound and simple. The idea is that you must be virtuous (habitually good in the moral sense) to be truly happy. A virtue is a character trait that almost all people inherently consider good. For instance, most everyone would say that it’s a good thing to be honest, compassionate, courageous, and dependable. So, honesty, compassion, courage, and dependability are virtues. Good people / leaders hone their virtues and minimize their vices. They lie less, care more, show up, give credit, cooperate, persevere, wait patiently, say thank you, act fairly, encourage others, forgive often, bite their tongues, and jump into pressure-packed situations. They strive for what Aristotle calls the Golden Mean. Do you?

O – OTHERS: the leaders we choose to follow look out for others. They don’t elevate their interests above those of the group – even though that’s human nature. They sincerely care about their people and this includes each of their employees’ families, marriages, and kids. They want to see the group thrive and not just their own careers. Good leaders seek to maximize the good (the pleasure) and minimize the bad (the pain) for the whole group. Do you?

O – OWNERSHIP: the leaders we choose to follow think critically about ownership. They own both their mistakes and those of the group. Taking one for the team is one of the main burdens of a good leader. Good leaders don’t let their own agenda interfere with the success of the organization – even if it costs them a promotion or a better job someplace else. Ownership is where good leaders separate themselves from the pack. When things go bad, too many leaders place blame on subordinates instead of owing the team’s error. They lament that a team member messed up but discount their lapse in oversight. They say things like, “regretfully, a member of our team acted inappropriately” or “unfortunately, I wasn’t aware of the illegality, misbehavior, etc.” It’s pathetic. Do you own your mistakes and avoid getting defensive when faced with workplace problems or constructive criticism?

D – DUTY: the leaders we choose to follow think about their duties as members of a community. They don’t take exceptions for themselves that they deny to others. For example, they don’t use the excuse that they are too busy to go to meetings or to get stuff done and then demand those things from others. They don’t act rashly and then punish rash reactions by their people. It goes back to the old proverb, “If you live in a glass house, don’t throw stones.” The duty test is a relatively easy one to ponder: ask yourself whether it would be ok if everyone took the exception you are about to take? If not, then you have a duty to find a different solution. Do you think about duty often?

I will elaborate on each of these traits in future posts. But, for now, please ponder your psychological twin as your boss. Make a list of the good and bad characteristics that person would possess. Focus on the bad ones and think about which aspect of GOOD leadership is lacking in each instance. If you are selfish, be more affirming of others. If you are impatient, seek the Golden Mean of patience. If you handle criticism poorly or get defensive, think about the ownership responsibilities of a leader. If you stretch the truth often, straight up lie, cheat, or steal, think about your duties and whether you would be ok with others in your group doing the same.

By homing in on these things, you stand a chance of being the character-infused type of leader our communities desperately seek. If you are going to be leader, you might as well do it right!

– Check out COREYSPEAKS.COM for more on keynote speaker Corey Ciocchetti. Corey has popular keynotes on ethical leadership, morale, stress reduction, and professionalism.

– Check out Corey’s other cool ethics & leadership posts on FORGIVENESS and HAPPINESS – you won’t regret it.

– Check in with Corey’s ethics blog often to check out new compelling content.